


Want Something that I Want (That Moves Like Jagger)

by miss_elizabeth



Category: Castle
Genre: Angst and Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, F/M, Post Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-12
Updated: 2011-08-12
Packaged: 2017-10-22 13:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_elizabeth/pseuds/miss_elizabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard Castle deals with nearly losing his partner, her never responding, and his daughter leaving for college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want Something that I Want (That Moves Like Jagger)

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. Not Castle, not the music mentioned, nothing. If I did, I'd be rich, and I'd be busy hanging out with Nathan Fillion. :D Also would really like feedback. May make another part.

There are two days that Richard “Rick” Edgar Castle recalls as the longest of his life. One was the happiest, the birth of his daughter Alexis. The other the most terrifying and gut wrenching when Beckett, his Beckett, was in surgery to stop the bleeding and remove the bullet that had pierced her chest.

Detectives Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan, Dr. Lanie Parish, Richard Castle and the rest of the 12th Prescient had been in mourning for their Captain, Roy Mongomery. However it was the attempt on Beckett’s life that threw things into high gear. After hours in surgery (or what seemed like hours, it could have been just two), the doctors said that they had removed the bullet and although there was a minor scare during surgery she was stable, but that there still could be issues down the road.

Richard Castle had been sitting vigil in the waiting room with Alexis and Martha taking turns with him, which eased the tension coming from Josh Davidson. There was heightened security around the ER, the 12th Prescient having minimal involvement. (Interim Head Chief of the 12th arranged to have interdepartmental shifts as to allow fellow officers to be aware of what was going on.) Castle recognized a few faces, most were strangers to him, offering him and the 12th their complete and total support. Josh and he shared a few short words but mostly avoided one another. The few times he had managed to leave the waiting room of the ER had been spent in front of a collection of information they had discovered previously.

It was about 3:30AM four days after the surgery that she woke up. Jim Beckett was the first to see her; however after leaving an argument had nearly broke out between Josh and Castle as to who should see her next, which was settled when Castle graciously stepped aside.

The door to her room opened and Josh went in. Castle met Beckett’s eyes and smiled, waving before the door closed behind Josh but not before he saw a small smile cross her face.

There had been the initial small talk, the obvious “you scared me” talk (which, for the two of them was a tension filled awkward situation with Kate still set up to machines to monitor her breathing), updates on the 12th, and Montgomery’s family. Although awake, the doctors wanted to keep her there longer, to make sure everything stayed stable and there were no negative repercussions. and it wasn’t long before Beckett got fidgety. To avoid conflict they arranged to have Castle bring lunch, avoiding Josh during the day. It had worked well until--until it didn’t.

Castle had gone to get pizza (enough for the entire floor, nurses were good people to have on your side) when he heard the loud voices coming from her room. Dropping the pizzas off at the nurses’ station he turned to go to her room when Cynthia, a nurse in her mid 40’s, put her hand on his arm.

“It’s best you let them be,” she said softly.

“But it sou--” Castle was cut off before he could finish by three simple words.

“It’s about _you_ ,” she stated. All Rick could do was nod.

About him? They were close, hell, he loved her but they hadn’t said a word about it since she woke up. Rick didn’t know if she remembered, or even heard him. Part of him was thankful, yet he was angry at first. Another part of him wanted her to remember--wanted out of this limbo stage of their relationship, one way or another.

Josh came out of the room, looking angry. Rick didn’t turn around fast enough and before he knew it Rick was down on the ground, his eye in an immense amount of pain. Josh stormed off before security arrived and Cynthia saw to his eye. After being bandaged up Rick went into see Beckett. Neither one mentioned what had happened, the argument, all she did was bite her lip (a trait which in all honesty could undo him) and say, “You look well,”

Rick smiled before placing a box down on the side table and taking a seat next to her. “Never felt better.”

It had been about two weeks before Kate Beckett was released, another week resettling into her apartment (which Lanie helped with by staying over a few nights, much to Esposito’s chagrin) before Kate Beckett was officially allowed by the doctors to be back on the job. However, when she went into the 12th Prescient as scheduled it was weird--people staring at her as she walked by, even Esposito and Ryan were unusually quiet until she was called in by the Interim Chief, Captain Mark Norting.

“You wanted to see me, Captain?” she asked, appearing in the doorway.

“Yes, come in,” he said, nodding to the bench. “I’ve been talking with Mr. Castle here.”

“Look Sir, whatever Castle di---” she was cut off by Richard’s face and protest of defense as well as a shake of the head by the Captain.

“No, this has nothing to do with him actually. Well, not directly,” he rephrased as Kate shot a confused look Rick’s way.

“He insisted upon being here, but the thing of it is Detective---you’re not ready to come back,” he stated very calmly, sitting himself behind his desk as Kate shot up.

“What do you mean, I’ve been cleared for activ--” she was cut off by his hand coming up, as if to simply deflect her words.

“Look, you and the 12th have been put through a rough one,” he said, as Kate went to cut him off.

“No, you’ll let me finish. Physically you may have been cleared, but there are a lot of open wounds on this one, and until you have talked to a shrink and been cleared by _them_ , and they talk to _me_ I will not consider your return.” He said it in a voice that allowed no questions.

“I suggest you take some time off, this thing goes deep and I’m sure there is more that I haven’t been informed about,” he said as Rick went to try and say something. He too was cut off by one look of Mark Norting.

“You need some time to clear your head, end of story. You’re dismissed.” He said, looking from her to the reports on his desk.

Kate stood rooted to the ground for a moment before heading for the door angrily, Rick on her tail.

“Not now, Castle!” is all she said as she took the elevator down, leaving him alone.

\-------------------------------------------------

Kate Beckett didn’t know what to do with herself so she spent her first few days in isolation--to angry at everyone to even consider company. It was the beginning of June when she woke up in bed alone, clothes all over the apartment and no food in the house. Laying in bed she realized this wasn’t what she needed so she cleaned, went food shopping, did laundry--and boy did she need clean clothes. After a full day she spent her evening in the tub, glass of wine in hand and staring at her cell.

She had turned it off after the meeting with the Captain, her machine was full but she hadn’t listened to any of them. With a deep breath she ducked her head in the water before pushing herself out, grabbing her robe and started listening to the messages she had on her cell. A few from her Dad, Lanie, with and without Esposito, Ryan, again with and without Esposito, and from Castle.

She had moved to the answering machine listening to the oldest messages when she heard Rick’s voice.

“Look, I know you don’t like this. I get it, you’re mad and--the thing is, you’re going to have this time off so you might as well get away,” he was almost rambling, which was weird because aimless rambling was not what Castle did--his rambling had a point even if it didn’t amount to anything relevant at the time. There was another voice heard, a woman--Martha or Alexis from the sounds of it but what they said wasn’t audible.

“Look, I’m going to the Hampton’s for the summer. The door is open, no matter what time or what day,” the machine beeped before going onto the next one. Kate Beckett was listening to the voice on the machine; truly she was--trying to. After the last message she looked down at the list of people who called her then to her freshly done laundry. At that point in time, packing for a trip to the Hamptons seemed to be a better use of her time.

\-----------------------------------------

She hadn’t returned any of his calls and last he had checked in with Ryan and Espisito, she hadn’t returned theirs either. Richard Castle was never a worrier--unless it was about Alexis but aside from that, he never thought himself a worrier. However at some point in the last three plus years he had become one. If anyone asked, hell if anyone noticed he’d have said it was because of the people he saw when on cases, but that was only true to a point.

But now he was alone, much to his disappointment and attempts to be otherwise. The summer had started with Alexis deciding to spend most of her time in the city. He couldn’t fault her, it was a matter of time, but this fall she’d leave and he wouldn’t be able to help her or see her or share their knowing looks when Martha went on about something. Martha had been dedicating her time to the acting school she had been setting up, and when he asked Espisito and Ryan they laughed, saying someone’s got to protect the citizens of New York while he and Beckett were away.

Then there was Kate Beckett. With her bright smile, musical laugh, amazing legs, oh, and you know, the fact that he loved her and hadn’t acknowledged it, nor had she returned his calls. He felt alone, and although he normally welcomed the isolation he wasn’t ready for it to be this sudden. Everyone had someone, something and he was losing Alexis. Of course he couldn’t have been more proud of her, but this fall she’d leave and who knows when she’d move back-- _if_ she’d move back.

That left him one option. Open the 30 year old bottle of scotch he had stashed away.

It was 10:30PM and Rick was 3 glasses of scotch, and a bottle of wine in before he realized Alexis had taken his iPod by mistake, leaving hers with him. Shrugging it off he put it on the dock opened the screen porch door (why not, it’s a beautiful night), hit play and turned it up.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------

Kate had the address written on a piece of paper, crumpled in her hand as she drove up the driveway and turned off the ignition. She looked at the house--it was beautiful, not that she had pictured it one way or another but it had a level of being simple, classic, even old which surprised her. What surprised her more was the amount of noise coming from the house. Taking out her bags she took a deep breath and walked to the door, knocking soundly on it. There was no response. She knocked again, still nothing.

“CASTLE!” Kate yelled, her voice carrying out, but drowned out by noise. After another 10 minutes of attempts she decided that with a water view, in all likelihood there was another door. Going around the side, dragging her bags behind her she came in sight of a porch.

Depositing her bags at the top of the stairs she moved closer to the door, not wanting to scare him but trying to get his attention. However, his antics managed to stop anything she was going to say or do.

Clad in plaid pajama bottoms and a tee shirt he was dancing around the kitchen area, singing and dancing--if you could call it that. This would have been an expected and unsurprising sight, had the bottle of scotch in his hand not been doing the backup work.

 

“So watch and learn, I won't show you twice!  
Head to toe, oh baby, rub me right--  
But if I share my secret  
You gonna have to keep it  
Nobody else can see this  
Hey, yeah yeah!”

Richard punctuated the last line by jumping up and down, before taking another drink. Kate wasn’t sure what was more shocking, that he was still standing or that he knew the words.

“And I'll show you--  
“All the moves like Jagger  
I've got the moves like Jagger  
I've got the moves like Jagger!”

Whatever maneuver he was attempting failed miserably as he threw up the bottle, spun around and attempted to catch it--alcohol going _everywhere_.

“I don't need to try to control you  
Look into my eyes and I'll own you  
With the moves like Jagger  
I've got the moves like Jagger  
I've got the moves like Jagger!”

He froze in some ludicrous pose for a moment and Kate was going to make her presence known, she was, truly. But he was snapping, _snapping_ for peets sake then he started singing--well, yelling the words.

“She's the girl with the best intentions,  
He’s the man of his own invention!” He pointed to himself and Kate couldn’t help but notice the reflection of the lyrics on himself.

He was jumping around again, but there was something almost sad about the display, it was as if he was trying to convince himself of something. Kate was so surprised by his sudden change that she didn’t realize he had jumped and pointed at the door she was standing in.

“She looked out of window; he walked out the door,...” Rick’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw her standing there.

“And she followed him and he said ‘Whatcha you looking for?’” He said quietly before scrambling to the iPod dock to turn it off.

“Ka--Beckett, I, wasn’t expecting company,” he said gesturing her in the house with his arms. “Can I get you a drink then, detective?” Rick asked, holding up the bottle he held.

Kate shrugged, moving inside and taking a seat on the couch. “Why the hell not,” she said, putting her feet up on the table. “And it’s not detective, I’m unarmed and un-badged,” she said, smiling at his slightly unsteady hand work as her handed her a glass. “Or don’t you remember that discussion?”

Rick winced at the memory. “You know, I was only there to show support--I never,” he didn’t know what to say. There were so many open questions, so many confusions and in his drunken state things we’re getting a little hazy.

Kate held up her free hand while she took a drink. “I got it, thanks Castle.” Kate said with a small smile. There was an awkward silence, Rick just looking at his hands as a baby looks at their feet, with a sense of confusion and interest.

“So, are all your parties at the Hamptons this exciting?” She asked, snapping Rick back from wherever his mind had wondered.

“Humm? Oh,” Rick took a long look around the area and shrugged. “Seemed like a logical option at the time,” Rick said without much emotion.

“And the music?” Kate asked with a grin, she enjoyed Disney as much as the next person but this was more than she expected.

A small sad sort of smile appeared on his face, and his head was down, looking at his drink. “Alexis,” was all he said, not meeting her eyes. He downed the rest of his drink and went to pour himself a new one.

Kate Beckett was worried--Richard Castle was a man who held his own, rarely anything got him down for long and although she knew he enjoyed drinking, this was new.  
Standing she put her glass down and went to counter near where he was. “Castle, what’s up?”

Rick looked up from the superbly intense action of pouring his drink into his glass and saw she had her ‘no nonsense face’ on.

“I’m fine, re--” he was stopped by her hand on his and the one perfectly formed raised eyebrow.

“She’s leaving,” he said quietly, putting the bottle down and leaning against the counter.

“Castle,” Kate sighed, “you knew this was--” but Castle stopped her.

“No, I knew. It was inevitable. But it didn’t really hit me. I mean, she’s off in the city with her friends before they all part ways. Who knows the next time we’ll have breakfast for dinner? Or when she’ll need to ask me for advise, or--” he was cut off by the look of surprise on his partners face.

“I’ll have you know I give great advise!” he said, glaring and pointing his finger at her.

Chuckling to herself, she let him continue. “It’s just that, she doesn’t need me anymore,” he said finally, cutting off Kate’s amusement.

“Castle, that’s not true and you know it,” she said seriously. “You’re her father, she loves you, hell, she adores you! Anyone would love to have the relationship you two have,” she explained to him, finally getting Rick to look her in the eyes. “That won’t change but she’s older now, she’s going to explore things and discover things on her own. You can’t protect her from that. Alexis is a smart girl, you’ll have to do a hell of a lot to get her to stop calling you. That I’m sure of, but you don’t need to take care of her anymore. Well, not like you used to. There will be times where she needs her father and I know you’ll be her knight in shining armor but, they may not be as often as you’d like. She needs to do this on her own,” Kate explained, trying to help him understand from a daughters point of view.

Rick nodded, it was a small and shallow movement. “I just liked feeling needed,” he said in a small voice Kate didn’t recognize and startled her. Rick looked up to face Kate’s face, which was in turn searching his. There was a silence that stretched on for what seemed an eternity before Rick lifted his glass and downed the contents in one go.

This was it, Kate Beckett knew it, she had to confess she heard what he had said. In fact it was what kept her going.

 _“Stay with me Kate, don’t leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate.”_

At the time it was a comforting blanket, something to give her peace but then it became something to fight for, to stay alive for. However dealing with it wasn’t as simple as she wished it was. There was Josh, the Captain, the job, the fact that the shooter was still at large, it all was going on while she was in limbo and when she woke up everything was going on and it seemed easier to keep it as it was.

Biting her lower lip she moved her hand over his, looking him straight in the eyes she swallowed her pride, the voice in the back of her mind telling her he said it as a friend.

“That’s not true,” Kate said softly.

Rick shook his head before moving his hand to refill his glass. “Look, Beckett,” he said taking a drink. He opened his mouth but words failed him, which was a rarity. H downed his drink in frustration before slamming the glass down.

“I don’t want your, your pity!” he said. “I didn’t sit by your bed for that,” he said running one hand through his mess of hair before leaning both hands on the counter, to lean steadily on it looking at the near empty bottle.

Picking his head up he looked at her, “I’ve been waiting--I haven’t said a damn word of it, I don’t even know if you remember what I said!” he said frustrated, with himself, Kate or the situation Kate wasn’t sure which. “I didn’t want to push you,” he said a little softer opening the bottle again, throwing the top somewhere around the kitchen and decided to cut out the middle man by taking a swig from the bottle.

“But this waiting, this not saying a damn thing,” he said working himself up again.

“Castle,” she said but he didn’t stop.

“No, no, dammit Kate--I was terrified. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life, when those doctors came in and said that, ‘We’ve done all we can, now it’s up to her,’ shit, Kate--” his voice hoarse before taking another drink. It was at this point that Kate noticed his eyes had a glassy finish to them and they were starting to redden.

Kate had been surprised, even shocked by Richard Castle before but this---this brought it to a new level. He was crying, in front of her-- _about_ her. His statement while she was lying in the grass had said it all and with that confession it was only obvious that he’d feel strongly. However, knowing that and _seeing_ that were two very different things.

Kate chewed on her lower lip, not knowing what to say first. She had thought it out of course, she even talked it over with Lanie a few times but seeing him like this hadn’t been in any of the scenarios the two played through.

“I almost lost you, Kate,” he said in a small voice, distinctly unCastle like. “I almost lost my partner, my muse, my friend,” he started and his eyes were welling up with tears.

“Castle, Rick--please--”

“NO!” Rick shouted, slamming the glass down on the counter a little too forcefully, breaking it and cutting himself. “Shit,” he said under his breath. Kate moved to look for a napkin or something to help but Rick didn’t stop.

“No, every, every time I try to mention it you change the subject. And I’ve let,” Rick stopped when she placed a cold dishtowel on his hand to clean up the blood. “I’ve let you. Did you think that ...that because I joke all the time I wasn’t scared shitless?” He asked looking at her as she stared at this hand to check for glass shards. His gaze was unwavering and finally Kate raised her head to look at him.

“Because I was,” he said a little softer now. He lifted his free hand to her face, lightly touching her skin and taking her in before brushing his fingers to move hair from her face.

Kate leaned into the soft touch, “I’m sorry,” she said, still holding the cloth to his hand. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, not knowing what else to say. Kate pressed the cloth a little harder to stop the bleeding when Rick winced, pulling his hand back.

“Owwwwww,” he wined, looking at his hand and then back to her. Kate chuckled and tried to grab his hand back.

“No, it’s fine!” Rick said, cradling his wounded hand, trying to move around the counter, tripping on a puddle of alcohol. The spectacle was too much for Kate, even as Rick looked up from the floor with big puppy eyes.

“I’m hurt! It’s not funny!” He cried indignantly, Kate tried to be serious but the longer she looked at Rick the harder it became. Eventually Rick let his amused side win him over and it took both of them a moment to recover their wits.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and to bed--before you knock down your house,” Kate smiled, walking towards him. Rick still cradled his hand and his eyes went from her back to his hand suspiciously before he tried to scoot back further. Earning an eye roll from Kate before she looked at him seriously, head slightly cocked to the side, hand on one hip, the other out in front of her as if Rick were a petulant child. Sighing defeat, Kate helped him back up and after the second try Kate realized perhaps he wasn’t as stable as he looked.

Wrapping an arm around his waist he leaned on her as they walked to his room. Kate pulled back the bed sheets and Rick got in before she tucked him in.

“Is there a first aid kit?” she asked, breaking the silence they had unintentionally started in the kitchen.

“Behind the mirror,” he said, nodding (with his whole body, nearly knocking him out of bed which earned him another glare from Kate.) She returned and she turned on the bedside light, Rick scooting over to allow her to sit on the side of his bed. She placed her hand out and he put his wounded one out for her to see.

She opened an alcohol wipe, using her teeth and one hand, the other keeping Rick’s in place. Rick watched her silently, completely wrapped up in how lovely she looked, hair thrown back, the light of his lamp lighting up one side of her face. It was more out of instinct that he tried to pull his hand back when the alcohol wipe came in contact with his wound. However she said nothing, her thumb simply moved further along his fingers to keep his palm up. When everything was finished she put three little bandaids along his palm, closest to his thumb. “Done,” she said softly, going to pick up the wrappers before Rick stopped her.

“Kiss it better?” he asked, no smirk, but there was a hopeful glint in his eyes. Rolling her eyes she went back to cleaning up the first aid kit before pressing a light kiss to his palm and returning to the bathroom.

Kate turned off the bathroom light, placing a glass of water and two painkillers on his bedside table. “I think you’ll want these in the morning,” she said, moving to head out of the room.

“Kate,” Rick called. She turned back, eyebrows raised as if to say ‘yes?’.

“Don’t leave,” he said, softly, almost pleading. Kate took in the picture he made. What he had said, how much he had had to drink, but all she could see is the sad look in his eyes. She smiled at him before taking off her socks and making her way to the other side of his bed. Rick turned off the light and turned to face her, as she slid in. They stayed like that for some time, simply staring at one another in complete darkness before Rick’s eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. Kate watched over him, watching his chest move with each breath, how his nose would twitch occasionally and she too eventually fell asleep.


End file.
